Burnout

I talk a lot about productivity and goals. This is a bit odd because I became a musician as a way to escape that kind of thinking, and I’m not sure where I went wrong. The reason that I’ve been so worried about goals and the future is that I am unhappy with my job and for whatever reason I feel like working harder at music could turn it into a career. Music is an escape, not a trap. Music is an walk in the park, not a migration. I don’t need to bring everything on every walk.

I’ve honestly thought harder and worked less, and I want to be free from time consumers and commitment. I determined that the ideal job is anything that I get a lot of time off. Therefore, I don’t think that I should spend years sprinting toward musicianship and ignoring the people and happiness that I do have right here. It is still my dream, it will always be what makes me happy, but I don’t need to constantly obsess, the process will naturally work out. I want to be free from time consumers and commitment. I determined that the ideal job is anything that I get a lot of time off.

I know this is out of character for me to say that productivity isn’t any where near important. I often use minimalism as a way to clean up my life, and I feel like my life needed a little bit of cleaning up, but what always inevitably happens with minimalism, I took everything away and found that there was less there than I thought.

I am currently learning classical music. It is a genre I’ve not gone into much because it is difficult and has less of a carefree image, but I feel like the improvements that I will be able to make are greatest there. Also, certain classical songs can send shivers down my spine, and if I’ve learned anything, its to follow those shivers.

This means I will be posting here less then before, but the burnout that I’ve been feeling will not prevent me from posting at all. I know its been a few weeks, and I know that consistency is key, but after going so hard for two months, I needed a break.

That said, I will be back. I will post on the blog once a week, and I will record a podcast every two weeks. These are small and accomplishable, but they won’t really take over my life. I started this website as an outlet, not a way out. My hobbies shouldn’t be a source of stress, they should be a source of pride and joy. Its upsetting that it took my until just now to find this out.

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