“You should think of ‘depressed’ as ‘deep rest.’ Your body needs to be depressed. It needs deep rest from the character you’ve been trying to play.” -Jim Carrey
I want to make it clear that this is not a cry for help, and that I am okay. This is a phase of depression that will pass,I’ve had them before and they always last about a month or two, then are met with a large swing toward productivity and joy.
But this past month I’ve not been posting. I’ve gained a bit a weight, and I’ve not really been practicing guitar, and its time to admit that I’d been depressed. I may have over done the site in the beginning, sometimes posting 7 days in a row, but that doesn’t mean I want to stop, but between work, and relaxing, its hard to put in the work I care about, and as much fun as the mania can be, I feel like its losts its directions and stopped for a while.
But this doesn’t mean that I am quitting. I am not. This means I’m growing. When I was a kid I wanted a deeper voice, not many people in my family had one, and as a kid, I certainly didn’t. But Whenever I would get sick, I would come out of it with a deeper voice, probably from coughing. And when youre trying to gain muscle, you have to lift weights and tear down the old muscle in order for them to grow larger. I think that this depression may be the way for me to grow at the moment.
That doesn’t mean that this isn’t annoying. I’ve noticed I feel most emotions everyday, and that gets old fast. I’m thankful for the people around me for letting me feel the way I do, and not trying to “snap” me out of it. And on this journey, I think that I need to haave this in order to realize who I can be. It will be nice to use this as backstory later, but at the moment, I’m still on the path.
When on this walk, sometimes you’ll have to walk through a scary area, where you have to slow down and watch for predators. Walking in the darkness makes us stronger on the other end. And I hope after this rest, that I remember to acknowledge how difficult it was.