Small Hope

I want to make something very clear. I still don’t feel perfect. I’ve felt better before and I believe I will feel better in the future, but right now I feel better than I have for about 2 months. For a Twenty-Two-year-old, two months of depression is disheartening. I thought that it had to do with starting my first full time job at an office, and trust me that didn’t help, but I’m starting to notice that it happens about every 15 months. Last time I had one was from August and September of 2017. This time is was from late December 2018 to Early February 2019. Before that is was March and April of 2016. And so on.

Here’s what I learned from this one. Being depressed isn’t a quality of character, how you deal with it is. Don’t plan on things being created next time (Scheduled for April 2020.) I was asking myself to write and record a full LP during the time of the depression, and I believe I wrote half of one song.

But here is the hope. I’ve written two songs in the past 6 days. The ability comes back. The drive will come back, but you have to go through the depression to get through.

“The only way over something is through it.” -Andy Dick

You can make it through. If your suffering from another bout of occasional manic depression, imagine that the happy parts of your brain are taking a rest. They need to recharge, and because of that, so do you. As much as I wished that your brain worked for you, sometimes it needs to refuel.

If your suffering, I want you to know that there is another side, you didn’t wonder into an impossible maze. A cloud is just passing over your head and the sun will be back soon. The plants just needed some rain, but soon they’ll get their sunshine.


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